"are you okay?"

booty camp'd it out this evening (7:30-8:30). a little step aerobics, with some abs, triceps and biceps thrown in the mix. great stretching and I officially met Jenny, who is tiny and amazing!

walking out of advanced climb & spin (9-10), I didn't feel the same way. Lauren was sick, so Brynlyn filled in and chose an appropriate ghetto song for the routine this evening- "Freaky Gurl" by Gucci Man, featuring Ludacris & Lil' Kim. holla!

there were 7 people in class and some of them had long legs! had to stagger a few spins, b/c I got kicked at one point. we had to go in two groups, which doesn't allow you tons of time on the pole and I def sat out every other time, while people got more time on the pole. it happens. the routine was great, a little quick in the beginning and in the middle for a hot second, but awesome.

I just felt... defeated. there's no better word. I could do the moves for the most part, but once Brynlyn stepped away and watched us, I was done for. 3 out of 4 run-throughs at the end of class, I bit the first part and jumped back in, not concentrating on my face or feeling the music, but rather trying to get my routine in shape and keep up. I think I did well on my inner thigh spin though, but need to work on transitioning my hands from that spin directly into a reverse body spiral with straight legs, which I've never tried before. that's gonna be something to work on in open pole. I know I just have to take my time with it. but it sucked tonight. I couldn't climb to save my life. not even one level, I kept slipping, even after I rubbed down the pole with alcohol and I didn't have any lotion on all day. if there was a bear sitting underneath my pole with his mouth open, I'd be dead right now.

and it's so damn frustrating. no really, I don't think you understand. if you know me, you probably know that when something bothers me, I mean really bothers me, I get all quiet and my eyes fill with tears. this is dancing and it's fun and I just felt like I sucked at it tonight. and to top it off, Brynlyn could tell I was getting increasingly annoyed with myself, after I just gave up in the middle of two run-throughs.

I know it's only one class and Thursday is going to be better and I have new moves to practice at open pole with Lauren on Sunday, but it still bothers me. I DID however once get to the top of the pole, swung myself to the side, opened my legs in a straddle and came down to the floor in a split. THAT was cool.